He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
did i walk over a car last night?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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