she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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