Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize