Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize