Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
