Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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