im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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