YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
