my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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