how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
