How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
