Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
