your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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