He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
