as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hippo gnu deer
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
