I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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