Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
