I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
