I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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