your thong is hanging out like whoa
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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