My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
