I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
