Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
