Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
