I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Can Purell be used as lube?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
