True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
