When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
