You just made me feel so damn special
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Randomize