I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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