i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
