Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
