that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Iām once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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