Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
