She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
