he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
