He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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