If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
