they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
