I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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