You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is wine microwaveable?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
