I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
