i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
