i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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