dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
