If i come over, it means nothing
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
