every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
