someone owes me an orgasm
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
where are my eyebrows?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
