I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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