you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
