im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Are we still banned from the library?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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