This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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