He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
