you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize