Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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