u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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