Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
