Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
