His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize