i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
