Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
