So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
