the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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