i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
