Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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