I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
