someone threw a dead crab at me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
