she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize