I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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