Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
