Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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