I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
