Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
