dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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