So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
