You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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