seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize