I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
