youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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