I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
