he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
