Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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