I think my fart just growled at me.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
