shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
