"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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