Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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