He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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