I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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