Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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