I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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