i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My feet surprised me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
