your room smells of hookers.
And success
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
