Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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