At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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