swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
