Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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