fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
