wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize