My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize