I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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